Just ended my "Auntie Agony" session w ahui and this also reminded her of this "Auntie" who caused her agony in the past. haha...

I was trying ahui how tried I was feeling cos I always try to put up a front n smile even though I am feeling shit inside. Due to past experiences, I had knowingly and unknowingly build up this character. 坚强 (being strong) or 逞强 (acting strong) is just a thin line apart. I think I had lost my ability to differentiate it anymore.

Just like ahui said: "either u r a tian cai tt u can keep urself together" or "u r just a bai chi who hang on to urself". It is ok to be bai chi at times.

Over these yrs, have I took up some extra baggages that are pulling me down? I realised that once upon a time in my life, my motto is "do whatever I want as long as I m happy". Mayb over time, ppl had make me felt that this motto is selfish, irresponsible or I m not sparing a tot for others or whatever u can think of. Then slowly slowly I 4got about it. Today I looked back, when i somehow became or try to be responsible for others, be so-called professional, spare a thought for others. But... I m no longer as happy as I was. I always think so much in so many perspectives that at times, these perspectives do not include MYSELF!

So I decided that from now on, F the whatever saying of "Smile regardless of what happened, cos ur smile might be the reason for others to smile". I'm not so Wei Da, please. I'm only a human being, I'm not god. I'm going to spare a thought for myself, I'm going to being kind to myself n loving myself in the 1st place of everything already! This will start off from when I dun feel like smiling, I will just not smile.

Quote of the day: when u dun feel like smiling, just dn smile (from ahui)

Conclusion: ahui, u always speak right into what is on my mind. So... when do u want to marry me? haha...